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ResQgeek

May 2024

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In the aftermath of the loss of our daughter, I knew that our lives were forever changed. But in some ways, the changes that we’ve experienced have been unexpected. We have become friends with a neighbor we’d never met before that tragic day. As a child, one of her siblings died, and she felt a connection to us through our loss. She brought a number of meals to us, and spent a number of evenings at our place, chatting.

Yesterday, she called my wife. Friends of hers had just experienced their own tragic loss and she wanted our suggestions as to how to respond. As a family that had just recently suffered a loss, what insight did we have as to what she could do to help her friends in their time of grief.

Her friends had a new son, just two months old. He was born at 37 weeks (almost a full term pregnancy), but only weighed 4 lbs. at birth (which is extremely small for a 37 week birth). However, he seemed healthy and was gaining weight rapidly, so all seemed well. Tuesday evening, his father was holding the baby on his chest and dozed off. When he woke up, the baby was dead. An investigation is underway to determine the cause of death, but the initial theory is SIDS.

In addition to the trauma of losing a child, this family now has to undergo the additional trauma of being the focus of a thorough police investigation. I understand that the father was subjected to a lengthy questioning by detectives, and I’m sure that the police will be interviewing everyone close to the family. I can’t even imagine how much more painful this must make everything for the family. As difficult as our loss was, the causes were pretty obvious, so there wasn’t any need for an intensive investigation. My heart goes out to this family as they struggle through their ordeal.

I found my wife’s response to all this commendable. Her focus went almost immediately to the family’s other child, a 3 year old girl. While I’m not sure how much a three year old will understand in a situation like this, she is going to be upset, if only because everyone else is upset. My wife gathered a few of the stuffed animals that our daughter loved so much and passed them along to our neighbor. My wife suggested that if the little girl is having trouble coping with the loss of her new brother, they could tell her that our daughter would look after him, but our daughter needs someone to take care of her animals. Hopefully, this would give her something other than the loss to focus on. I thought it was a nice gesture, and it seems to have been therapeutic for my wife as well.
We were given tickets to see ICE! Featuring "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" at the Gaylord National Resort, at National Harbor, MD. After juggling our schedules to free up some time, we headed across the river Friday afternoon to visit the exhibit. I understand that there are long lines on the weekends, but when we arrived, around 4pm, there was no line. It still took us a while to get to the ice exhibit, though, because we had to enjoy the exhibit of Dr. Seuss's art that decorated the waiting area where the crowds queue when it is busy. There was a wonderful collection of original artwork from his books, as well as early work from his advertising career and his personal paintings. All of it was characteristically Seussian, and it was fun to look at. When we finally reached the ice display, we put on the blue parkas they handed out (the display is maintained at 9°F (-13C)!) and stepped into the freezer. They used something like 2 million pounds of ice to build the display, much of it colored in Dr. Seuss primary colors. The displays tell the whole story of the Grinch, from his mountain top lair, to Whoville, with the Grinch stealing all the Christmas "stuff" and ending with the Christmas feast after the Grinch's conversion. It was all really well done and the carving was incredibly detailed.

On Saturday afternoon, my daughter performed in her fall piano recital (video available at youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aojQZj0nbF4). She played Faber's "Tempest", which sounded a bit like a George Winston piece to me. It is one of the more difficult pieces she's performed yet, and while she did miss a note in the middle, she still did really well. I enjoy going to the recitals and seeing how the various students improve each time. The most advanced students are becoming truly impressive pianists!

Yesterday, friends of ours invited us to attend a community spaghetti dinner and Christmas Carol sing-along hosted by their church. There was an overwhelming amount of food, and the crowds were almost too big for the available space. After dinner, we all settled into the church to sing. People could request songs, lighting candles to dedicate in memory or honor of loved ones. The songs were a mix of religious and secular holiday music (with a couple of Hanukkah songs mixed in...one dedicated to the memory of the victims of the holocaust). It was both fun and moving, especially when someone dedicated "Frosty the Snowman" to the memory of our daughter.

Somewhere in the middle of all of that, I managed to get our outside Christmas decorations up (better late than never, eh?). Now I just have to put up the tree and figure out what presents to buy for everyone...
It has been more than three weeks since the tragic evening when our darling daughter, Becky, was killed while riding her bike. While we continue to struggle to come to terms with this loss, we have found a great deal of comfort in the overwhelming community support we've received. Our mail has been full of sympathy cards, many of them from strangers, and the online comments have poured in from around the world. There were almost 400 people at the candlelight vigil the community held in her memory, and our church was almost completely full for her funeral. I was told that the funeral procession from the church to the cemetery stretched for a mile and a half.

In some ways it is remarkable that our 9 year old was able to touch so many people in her short life. But as I reflect on her life and personality, it becomes less surprising. She was born on Valentine's Day, and seemed to embody the spirit of that holiday. She was an exceptionally outgoing child, always ready with a smile or a hug. It didn't matter if she had known you for years, or had just met you...it was always clear that she was happy to see you. Her love of people was completely honest, without any guile, and it seems that everyone loved her for it.

It is this aspect of her personality that has become her legacy. At the candlelight vigil, my wife began asking the students from Becky's school to remember Becky by hugging someone each day at school this year. Someone overheard her, and printed up stickers with her picture that read "Becky's love lives in Me!!! Live her love by sharing Becky's Hugs!!!" and handing them out to people during the visitation hours at the funeral chapel and at the church during the funeral. Someone lamented that it was a shame there wasn't time to have buttons made. After the funeral, we actually ordered buttons, and have been handing them out to people who knew Becky, or have been touched by her story. We have been asking people to keep her memory alive by sharing hugs in her name. It is our hope that such expressions of compassion and care will help to make the world a happy and friendlier place, one hug at a time. And we don't think that would be a bad legacy for 9 year old to leave behind.

Here's a news video about Becky from one of the local TV stations: http://www.nbcwashington.com/news/local-beat/Parents_of_9_Yr__Old_Killed_in_Bicycle_Accident_Speaks_Out_for_First_Time_Washington_DC.html (Based on feedback I've received, this video may be blocked outside the US.)
Yesterday was my older daughter's school class trip to Medieval Times in Maryland. I was lucky enough to have been chosen to be one of the chaperones. I've been intrigued by the jousting themed dinner theater for quite a while, but hadn't yet had an opportunity to visit. It was fun, though the show was a bit more campy than I expected. On the other hand, the food was better than I would have thought. Our waiter joked with the kids as he served us, "Here's your baby dragon leg (tastes exactly like chicken!)". The kids all had fun cheering for their favorite knights and booing the evil knight. Not a bad way to spend a day with the kids.

The afternoon ended with a surprisingly strong thunderstorm that arrived just as I was cooking dinner. I happened to look out the window to see that a large limb had fallen off a tree across the street, damaging a neighbor's fence and blocking half the street. The neighbors were clearly trying to figure out how to move it so it wasn't a traffic hazard, so I went out to the shed and got my chain saw. It only took about five minutes to trim the limb back to that it was out of the road, but I was thoroughly drenched. The entire time I was out there, lightning kept flashing all around us, and I was a bit nervous that we'd get struck, so I didn't finish cutting up rest of the limb. I'll have to go back over this afternoon and finish cutting the limb up into pieces small enough to move, so they can clear up the rest of the mess.
Wednesday afternoon my wife left a rather frantic voice message on my work phone. Our younger daughter had taken our 5 month old puppy out to play, but had dropped the leash. When she tried to pick up the leash she apparently spooked the dog, who started to run away from my daughter. By the time our daughter got my wife outside to help recapture the puppy, it had vanished. That evening, me wife e-mailed everyone she knew in the neighborhood, posted fliers on practically every vertical pole within a mile of the house and enlisted the aid of almost a dozen neighbors to help search for the missing puppy. All this effort was for naught...the puppy remained missing.

Thursday, my wife began calling local animal shelters and veterinary clinics. She had me fax her "Lost Dog" flier to most of these, so they could post them. She also visited local businesses to post fliers. This time, it paid off. The puppy was found Thursday evening, hiding under a car in a townhouse community several blocks away, shivering, wet and muddy. The lady who found her gave her a bath and warmed her up. Since it was late enough that the shelters and animal clinics were closed, she went to the local grocery store to buy some dog food. She mentioned her situation to an employee, who then showed her the flier. She called us, and my wife went straight over and retrieved the puppy.

I must say that I was greatly impressed with the outpouring of community support we received. Its far too easy to feel anonymous in the suburban communities around here, but people were supportive and helpful. A number of people help us by posting fliers or searching the areas around their homes. It felt a great deal like the kind of small town response I used to experience growing up. Its nice to know that there are good people in our community, and that they really do care about their neighbors.
After what has been an unseasonably warm start to the winter, we finally got our first snowfall of the season yesterday. Predictably, the roads were a mess, partly because people simply don't seem able to drive in half an inch of snow and partly because the road crews were deployed too thinly and too late to properly treat the roads. I went to the office in the early afternoon to try and get a head start on my work for the week, and when I headed home, the roads were snow/slush covered. This presented no great difficulty for me and I made my way home without any complications. Well, almost no complications. When I got to my street, I found the hill up to my house blocked with several cars that were unable to negotiate the grade, including one large SUV that had slid all the way into the three foot deep ditch along edge of the pavement. So, I went around the block and reached our driveway from the other side.

Over the next hour or so, we were treated to quite an entertaining show on the street in front of our house. Someone called 911 for the truck in the ditch, which brought an engine, medic unit and police cruiser to the neighborhood, to the delight of our daughters. No one was hurt, and I don't think the SUV was even damaged, but it definitely was going to need a tow truck to get it out. After the emergency responders left, we watched as other drivers attempted to navigate up and down the hill. Some gave up, turned around and looked for alternate routes, but others simply made the road conditions worse. When their tires started spinning, which should have signaled to them that they were applying too much power, they did exactly the opposite of what they should. Most simply pushed the accelerator to the floor and spun their way up the hill. Of course this melted all the snow under their tires, which refroze as soon as they passed, leaving the hill icier than before. Several of the neighbors suggested that we make scorecards to rate the various drivers' performances.

Eventually, it must have warmed up a little bit, because the road cleared, and the traffic stopped struggling with the hill. Today's temperature is supposed to be above freezing, so the inch or so of snow we got will be mostly gone by tonight. But at least it finally feels (and looks) like winter!
We are wet, wet, wet! The official rainfall total for yesterday at National Airport (about four miles from my house) was 5.19 inches. We've had more than 8 inches of rain since Friday evening, and they're predicting as much as 2 inches more by tomorrow evening.

Last night, the saturated ground gave way and a massive mudslide destabilized a big section of the Beltway not far from my house. I-95 was closed, both ways, all night, as were the nearby surface streets. A low lying neighborhood a couple of miles from my house had to be evacuated last night as an adjacent stream flooded out of its banks. Many of the homes were flooded with chest deep water. Fairfax County Fire & Rescue dispatched every boat in the county to the neighborhood to assist in evacuating the residents.

We lost power about 10pm last night, and it was still out about an hour ago, when I last spoke to my wife. She's making plans to borrow a generator this afternoon if the power doesn't come back on. We've got two big freezers full of food that we can't afford to have thaw out. It appears to be a localized power outage, so I'm hoping the power will be restored soon. Of course, with no electricity, we had no hot water this morning, so I didn't get a shower or a shave before I left, and I'm feeling a bit scruffy today.

My wife worked last night, and the trip to pick her up at the hospital was a bit of an adventure. A number of the streets I normally use were closed, and several others clearly were flooded last night. They were covered in mud, with debris scattered everywhere. There even a couple of spots where people tried to drive through the water, and had to abandon their stalled cars, leaving a bit of an obstacle course for the morning commute.

I hope this weather pattern changes soon, though the forecast calls for it to hold through most of the week, so we are looking at further flooding issues over the next few days...
There's no shortage of birds in our neighborhood, including a number of colorful varieties (Bluejays and Cardinals being the most common). Our neighbors maintain a number of feeders in their yard, so we have a pretty constant flow of birds through our yard, which provides for entertaining bird watching. So, while I'm accustomed to seeing colorful birds flying about, I was a bit shocked by the one I saw this morning. As I was walking down the hill to catch my bus to work, I saw a flash of bright yellow-green. To the best of my knowledge, there are no native birds that color, so this caught my attention. A moment later, as small parakeet landed on the sidewalk a dozen yards in front of me! It was pecking at some seeds on the ground, and it let me approach to within a couple of feet before flying away. I'm sure it must be a pet that escaped or was set free. I also wonder about its long term survival prospects here, in this alien environment. Will it survive our winter? Will its bright color make it easy prey for a predator? I'll have to watch to see if it hangs around the neighborhood.
As if I needed any more evidence that we've become far to addicted to our cars, my told me something last night that brings me almost to the point of despair.

In our county, school bus service is not available to any student that lives within a mile of the school, unless there is a "major" (i.e., high traffic volume) street in between. Since we only live a block away from my daughter's school, there is no bus available for her to ride, which is fine with us...after all, its only a block. However, there is one intersection where the sidewalks are a little wonky, requiring either a scramble up a grassy embankment, or a short walk in the street, which irks my wife a bit.

My wife recently tried to talk to the school principal about this, hoping, I think, to get some support to get the sidewalks corrected. My wife pointed out that the current configuration requires that the children walk in the street, which is hardly the safest place for them. The principal's response, completely serious, was "Who walks?" She seemed to believe that all the students who are not transported by bus are driven to school by their parents.

First of all, that attitude is appalling. I know we aren't the only family that has their children walking to school. We aren't all so addicted to our cars that we will drive our children to a school a few blocks from home. However, a lot of people do drive their children. Every afternoon, when school lets out, the street in front of the school is completely lined with cars waiting to pick up children. All of this makes me wonder what the heck we're teaching our children?
Yesterday afternoon, the Qgeeklets went off to play at a friend's house, and Mrs. Qgeek and I found ourselves with an afternoon to ourselves and nothing to do (poor planning, that, eh?). Since we weren't excited by any of the movie choices in the nearby theaters, and because it was a beautiful day, we decided to go for a walk in the historic district of Alexandria.

We parked on the edge of Old Town, and strolled down to the waterfront. It was a pleasant walk, with the flowers blooming and the leaves just coming out on the trees. When we reached the river, we turned toward King Street and the heart of Old Town. Now I haven't been down in this part of Old Town on a weekend in a long time, so I was a bit surprised by the amount of street life. There were crowds of people walking up and down King Street and along the waterfront. There were a number of street performers, including a cellist, a trumpeteer and a guy playing his "water harp," a table covered with glasses filled with varying levels of water. This last guy was quite impressive, playing Pachelbel and Bach, as well as some more contemporary tunes by running his fingers over the edges of these glasses. Amazing.

We continued our stroll, watching a clown make balloon animals for the kids, and parrot rescue group show off some of their birds. The air was festive, and all the people seemed to be enjoying the glorious weather. We continued back up King Street, back towards where we left the car. At Washington Street, we took a brief detour to cut through the cemetery at Christ Church (which was where both George Washington and Robert E. Lee attended services), before returning to our uphill climb on King Street. Eventually, we returned to the car and headed home, but it was a very pleasent way to spend part of our afternoon. My only regret it that I didn't grab a few books to take with us before we left!
Last night I was sharing [livejournal.com profile] martip's polar bear post with my wife. Her reaction was an immediate and enthusiastic "I want one, too!" Which I guess sets our household firmly against the prevailing demographics, as I'm inclined to think such decorations are a bit tacky. In any case, I quickly quelled any impending plans to acquire a similar display for our yard by reminding my wife about our unfortunate history with lawn decorations.

Shortly after buying this house, we came into possession of a lighted nativity set (I can't remember if it was a gift, or if we purchased it). We attempted to display the set for several years. The first year, someone stole the infant figure during the night. My wife was pregnant with one of the Qgeeklets, and when she notice the missing figure, she called the neighbor and announced "Someone stole my baby!"

It took some effort, but eventually we were able to replace the infant figure (without having to buy an entire new set). We survived a couple of years without further incident, but then our nocturnal visitors returned. Not only did they take the infant, but our Virgin Mother figure vanished as well. They also attempted to take additional figures as well, but apparently left in a bit of a rush, as we found them scattered across the lawn and one of the Wise Men was in the ditch along the road about half a block away.

That was the final straw. As much as I really would prefer to have a Nativity display, we decided it wasn't worth the aggravation of worrying about the vandals. So now I limit my outdoor decorations to some icicle lights along the front of the porch, some multicolored lights in the azalea bushes in front of the porch, and a wreath with a red bow on each porch column. At least our history with vandals gives me ammunition to fight any trends towards tackiness in our decorating efforts.
I was walking to my bus stop in the pre-dawn dark this morning and had an adrenalin inducing close encounter with some of our large neighborhood animals. I still find it incongruous that I can live within a few hundred meters of one of the busiest interstate highways in the eastern U.S. and yet have plentiful wild animals in our neighborhood. I have seen foxes, raccoons and rabbits. But by far the most impressive are the whitetail deer that wander through the backyards. Our encounters with the deer have become more frequent lately, as the home builders continue to clear the remaining parcels of wooded land to erect "McMansions" to feed the real estate frenzy in this area. This leaves our resident deer population with fewer places to hide and eat, so they are venturing more and more into backyards, feeding on lawns, flower beds and gardens. The frequently wander through our backyard, jumping over the split rail fence that surrounds our lot.

This morning provided me with my closest physical proximity to our neighborhood deer. Because of the darkness and some bushes, I didn't see the deer standing just off to the side of the sidewalk, until one started to walk towards the street. The movement, not more than a dozen feet away from me startled me, causing me to break my stride. At the same moment, the deer noted my presence, and reacted immediately, reversing direction and crashing through the bushes between the adjacent homes. There's nothing quite like a sudden and unexpected close up encounter with a large animal to wake you up. Its better than caffeine!